Babies rock. And by ‘rock’ I mean having a baby is akin to someone pretty much throwing an enormous rock at your shiny happy life and shattering every semblance of routine and normality until said life resembles an overflowing kitty litter: messy, stinky, chaotic, and smeared with poo. I look at old photos of myself and wonder how my skin was so smooth, so blemish free, and not so dead looking. Then I remember that I used to eat well. Now I eat Teddy Bear biscuits for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Oh and I also used to sleep. So very much. I don’t sleep so much anymore. Here are another seven ways my life changed when I became a parent.
I guess some things in life are better than blemish-free skin: like my daughter’s happy little face. But only just ;-)
1. TOYS. My house is filled to the brim with toys. There are obscenely bright colours wherever I look. Some new parents I know take to wearing sunnies indoors to protect their retinas from the onslaught of pink Peppa Pigs, yellow Bananas in Pyjamas, and blue Frozen castles. Others tape sponges to the soles of their feet – afraid of being maimed on the midnight trek to baby’s room by a piece of Lego, hidden and forgotten in the shaggy rug. It’s a brutal new world out there: gotta adapt to survive.
Despite my daughter having a full house of toys at her disposal, she prefers to play with random household items. Last week’s ‘toy’ of choice? Earl Grey. This box of tea bags went everywhere with us (pictured below in the car) – it was tears and tantrums otherwise. Actually, that’s another life change I’ve had to adapt to: popping out to the car whenever I feel like a cuppa: wayyyy too tired to clean that shit up.
Tea bags in the car. Because where else do they belong?
2. FOOD. Back in the day, when I was an unattached lady of leisure, I just ate whenever I felt like it. Since having my daughter, I’ve discovered that three meals per day is actually a thing and it’s also expected that you’ll feed your baby three meals per day. I find it so unfair that after I have cooked, fed, and cleaned up breakfast, there’s another two meals to go, plus snacks. My life used to have 'Shakira' stamped all over it: coffees whenever, wherever. Lunch whenever wherever. Oh and dinner? Maybe yes, maybe pho. Now it’s cook, feed, clean, repeat.
3. RELATIONSHIP GOALS. Text messages between me and my hubs have lost their steamy feel, and taken on a more 'let's get shit done so we can watch Game of Thrones' tone. I’ll let this text exchange between me and my husband serve as an example.
Shopping for comforters on a Monday night – where would you rather be?
4. WASHING WOES. It's high fives all 'round when the odd socks pile looks like this:
'Only' 5 socks missing. Totally #winning
5. COOL CONVOS. Instead of sitting in a trendy bar and listening to my friends talk about exciting flings or overseas adventures, I often get to overhear mums conversing with their bubs. Last week a mum in the post office, on the verge of tears, said to her daughter,
“Nooooo, we don’t need another feather duster!"
Most of the one-on-one convos I have on a daily basis consist of my daughter saying ‘More!’ and me scurrying around nervously trying to figure out what she wants more of before she starts crying.
Emi chatting with her dada: a sound I will never tire of overhearing.
Special mention to the employee at my local bottle-O, though, who after complimenting me on my choice of Moscato, proceeded to tell me that the particular label I was purchasing used to be sold in a six-pack of cans. Ideal for taking along to her son’s footy matches and knocking back on the sidelines.
“No-one even noticed I was drinking wine because it was in a can - perfect! We don’t sell them – but keep an eye out!”
I don’t even know her name, but I honestly love this woman. This was an excellent conversation.
6. DECISIONS, DECISIONS. Saturday nights used to be governed by one main decision: do I switch to vodka or stay with the Sav? Now it’s a question of Thai or Nandos.
7. MILLION DOLLAR VIEWS. On the left is how I used to enjoy my alcohol: in coconuts with beach views in Cuba. On the right is how I enjoyed my Moscato last weekend: with an unobstructed view of my daughter’s Frozen castle.
Yeahhh. Life’s good.
How has your life changed since becoming a parent?