7 TIMES MY ONE-YEAR-OLD MADE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS
On a stressful night, approximately 10.5 months ago, you would not stop screaming. You wouldn’t sleep, you wouldn’t eat, and you sure as hell were not smiling. In a mad panic, we took you to the hospital, where the doctors decided to keep us overnight for observations. You slept through the night for the first time ever. And have slept through a grand total of three times since that night. You woke up the next morning, fed perfectly, had a little chat, a bit of a play, and proceeded to go down for a two-hour nap. During your stay, you did not cry. At all. The nurse turned to us and said: ‘Get used to this, this won’t be the last time your baby makes a fool outta you.’
10 SIGNS YOU DESERVE A ‘SEVERELY SLEEP DEPRIVED MUM’ BADGE
1. Most mornings begin with a lovely lie-in, and a soft beam of sunlight dancing through your curtains, gently caressing your face. Jokes. Most mornings begin before the sun even rises. You stagger out of bed and make a beeline for the kettle. Your eyes have barely opened, yet three tablespoons of instant coffee have made it straight into your favourite cat mug. When you realise you’ve run out of milk you don’t cry, you sob. Loudly. This is not pretty crying – this is loud, ugly-face crying. As you sob, you drink your coffee sans milk. And you force yourself to enjoy it dammit. Ok. You got me. I lied. Most mornings begin with a nappy change, squirming baby, a couple of near-death experiences involving said baby and the change table, and heaps of yelling. Then the coffee and crying.